do you ever see photos of yourself of happier days and wonder...how was i ever so joyful? do you ever scorn your previous self for being happy because the darkness of the world is embalming you? i am having one of those days. or rather, years.

just a pointer: don't go on a business trip to Hawaii, alone, unless you're really happy in your relationship status, be it single or happily committed. after work today i sat on Waikiki beach, trying to read A Farewell to Arms, but was distracted by the happy Honeymooners and Vow Renewers strolling by, hand in hand. it reminded me of the mess of my life, and how i was alone, and suddenly my date with the sunset wasn't nearly as appealing. just when it would be at its orange peak, i stood up. i walked back to the hotel talking on my cell to the man my heart is wrapped around. (the man who's not sure if he loves me -- my own fault, believe me.) "wow," you say? yes, i know, i've never mentioned him before. well, i try not to bother the general public about my darker side and the hurricane of a love-life i've woken up to. it's funny; just when i say it couldn't get any worse, i am once again unpleasantly surprised.

so i cried, took a bath, stared at my sandwich, and decided to come downstairs to the "business center" of the Radisson Hotel and purge. purge till my fingers bled.

on a more positive note, i started my novel last night on the flight over here. it's amazing how much easier it is to write something when your emotions are on a rampage.


Anonymous said...

Honeymooners while heartsick: ugh.


PS. Yea! for the novel!

Anonymous said...

"... just when i say it couldn't get any worse, i am once again unpleasantly surprised."

I experienced the same lesson some years ago. I kept thinking things couldn't get worse and BOOM! They kept getting worse. It was one of the lowest longest valleys I've travelled. It also involved the heart among other things and caused many sleepless nights. Eventually the weather changed and I learned to never utter that thought again.

I hope your hurricane passes soon.

On the lighter side...
Congratulations on starting your novel. I'm still waiting to buy a first edition and meet you at a book signing.

Best Wishes,
Biily in MD

Anonymous said...

what's your novel about. I've been trying to start mine and have some good ideas. we'll have to discuss....

remember before what I said about taking some time to be on your wown..... honeymoomers be damned.