5.09.2001

a phenomenal moment has occured:
i was taking a nap and dreaming about various things, and at one point i decided i had had enough of being chased around by people trying to kill me with missiles and other random terrorist attacks. i thought, "ok i've had this dream before. yes, this is adrenaline pumping, but i'm tired of it." suddenly i remember how Tom had said people can gain control in their dreams. so..i said i wanted to fly, and i started turning into a My Little Pony and flying. then i was in a room that resembled a raquetball court but had a wooden floor, a wall of mirrors, and a hand rail. i was in a ballet costume, and there was an older lady with brown hair pulled back also in a ballet costume. she was going through practices for point, and i was following along. she looked at me and said, "you're like me. my favorite time is when i'm dreaming. i can learn things and do things i've always wanted to do but can't in reality." i smiled. ballet was fun. i missed it so much. then a girl of about thirteen came in to learn also. i felt she was like i was when i was thirteen, timid and strong. i looked at the teacher and asked her what her name was. she frowned, and i said, "what? is this some dream rule? no names?" she nodded. i looked at the girl, and asked her, and she said (i think) Angela. then i looked back at the teacher and she was gone. then i was in a hospital room talking to a TV looking for her. i had a thick southern accent. i really didn't have control, as you can see, but i knew i was dreaming. it was the most exciting moment of the day. so far.
If we go down into ourselves we find that we possess exactly what we desire. --Simone Weil

i just have to make sure i remember that consistently.