well the bike ride. everyone want to hear about the bike ride? ;) ok well after driving around looking for the trailhead...which is easy enough to find when you're going the right way...i parked at the little enclave....took the bike off the car, guzzled half a water-bottle and set off (without water, without keys, without anything at all). i was lathered in sunblock and deet. the Swamp Fox trail is gorgeous. that was my first impression. later i found that with beauty comes horseflies, deerflies, grasshoppers, and anything else that isn't afraid of deet. the trail itself goes through several types of vegetation...first i went through a typical forest of the area...pine trees, palmetto bushes, decaying things scattered about, moisture. swampy. then suddenly it all changed and i was in a forest of tall pines. the needles were all at the top and the trunks were naked. i couldn't see anything but tree after tree, and at the bottom it was covered, no -- drenched, in ferns. i was stunned it was that gorgeous. after that it suddenly became very dry, and the trail (which was all sand the whole way) lost the covering of pine needles and became splattered with clumps of grass and fire-ant-hills. the trees shrunk, too. there were several trees that were broken at the top, evidence of Hugo no doubt. then it got wet again, and dark...and the bugs came back. then i crossed several bridges over little wine-colored creeks. i always looked, hoping to spot a water moccassin. never did. whenever i was in this type of forest the trail was of course still sandy...but the roots from the trees wove themselves throughout. i was very glad i was on a mountain bike. nothing else would have made it. a few times i crossed fire-roads and other gravel paths, but i knew which way to go because it was so well-marked. it proceeded to get hotter and hotter. of course, i started at 1:30, so i was asking for it. i tried to keep opening my mouth at a minimum to keep moisture in. then, after i fishtailed pretty badly in the sand, i came upon a water pump. in the middle of the trail! i almost heard the music. it was very metallic, but wet. then i wound through more trees, and heard a bell. i found a small herd of goats. i stopped and tried to go up to them but they all ran off. i kept going, and my wrists were hurting. at one point, just before getting on another bridge, a root grabbed ahold of my pedal and stopped me. of course my other leg kept spinning and i cut it on the other pedal. all i could think of was in "Pitch Black" when the bugs/monsters could smell people by blood. i was like...well there goes my deet protection -- now all the bugs will be after me. sure enough, it got attention. so i had to move faster. i was flying down the path, my heart racing, and every time i almost wiped out it scared me and my heart beat faster. it was like a roller coaster...constantly getting faster and the stopping abruptly to look at something or avoid something. what did i think of this entire thing? more like what not. i thought of a few people, i thought of "The Patriot" just by default -- i was on his trail, of course, i thought of water. and food. yes, when i had been on it long enough (i found out the trail goes on for 47 miles in one direction) i sat down and decided whether to turn back or not. i dreaded going back through places i had already been, but there wasn't much choice. i knew this was how it would be before i even started. so i begrudgingly set back for my car. then of course all i could think about was the water pump. and how i really need a bottle holder on my bike. i saw more deer, rode quickly past the startled goats, avoided the lizards -- they make more noise than anything else. suddenly it all came to an end. out of breath, starving, and out of energy, i hoisted my bike back onto my car. that was extremely difficult for some reason. then i sat in my car and guzzled another bottle of water. my heart was still pounding. my legs were wobbly. and i only went 25 miles. i never realized how much harder it would be to bike on a rough terrrain as opposed to Forest Park. every moment was glorious. it was almost 5pm.

i just finished a movie called "Farewell my Concubine." i think that's what it was called. It was a Chinese movie, subtitled, about the Beijing Opera from the 20s to the 70s. i can't get the music of one of the operas out of my mind... i don't know what i'll do with myself today. i supposed i'll look for a bike trail nearby. there isn't anything close enough that i wouldn't need to attach it to my car and drive a while, however. i dreamt i visited Iveta at Field Training. only, my uniforms were too big and i had to wear civilian clothing, which immediately set everyone off -- i wasn't military enough for them. hmm. ok i'm still wrapped up in the movie. i should shower and go do something. agh! i can't find anything....it is frustrating i cannot find anywhere to bike in this city. there has got to be something somewhere. what am i, blind? oh aha....Tomorrow i shall go on a long ride in Francis Marion State Park (Swamp Fox). should be ... Patriotic. muahaha. i guess only people from SC would get that joke. well the trail maps are printing. i should get dressed and out of the house.

had several strange dreams... of course, i didn't sleep much either. i kept waking up all night. i either need a fan in my room or some pills. it was so hot. also i couldn't stop thinking. so, on to my dreams: first i was at a Russian restaurant having traditional dinner, only the people who were eating with me (about 20) didn't know anything about Russia. then i got into an argument with one of the women there and i left. then i got a phone call about subscribing to "Mother's Weekly" last year and that i didn't inform Maj Lee i cancelled my subscription. very strange b/c i replied, "which Maj Lee? i know, like, three." and i knew i was lying. apparently the lady on the phone was mad b/c everyone who subscribed cancelled and the magazine was going out of business. i had no idea what kind of magazine that was, and i assumed i must have ordered it last year for Mom's Day. i was very blunt and not very nice, and neither was the girl on the phone. then....i woke up again. then i went back to sleep.... then i dreamt i was shopping in a grocery store that was surrounded by beautiful mountains. i was with Kevin, and he was shopping for a party in my honor. we went all over the place, getting normal things like eggs and milk, and he bought a plate of shrimp and i was confused b/c he can't eat shrimp and i don't like it anyway. i went and found a piece of chocolate and was unwrapping it under a pillow, on my stomach (ok, so it was a dream) and the manager of the store discovered what i was doing. he told me to take my hands out from under the pillow, only i couldn't. they were stuck. i told him i hadn't eaten anything yet and he could eat the chocolate. he said, "no go right ahead. you unwrapped it already." by then i didn't want the chocolate anymore. i went up to Kevin in the line and asked him about the shrimp and he said he wanted the noodles that were under them. very weird. i even thought it was weird in my dream. i told him about the chocolate. i felt pretty bad, and i was angry at the manager for finding out what i was doing. then i woke up again.... and i dreamt of war, again. why do i always dream of war? war and red mountains.

well it's a gorge day and i promised several people pictures of the air show so i better find some film and get going.
i ran last night. first time in forever. my foot still hurts from when i tripped on it, but running didn't bother it. i think i ran somewhere around 1.5 miles. don't run after a strawberry milkshake. it hurts.

REEP sent me a $300 check for "incidentals and lunches" for when i am in Russia. that's nice. :) REEP is the program that is sending me, contracted with the Air Force. in ONE WEEK i will be leaving for Russia. WOOHOO! there's a lot i must do between now and then.

it is quite disturbing when a close friend is depressed because of you. especially when there is nothing you can do about it and the best thing is to let it play its course. *sigh* i despise difficulty.

i love Charleston. it's beautiful, quaint, historic. and yet...it's so difficult to get around. i am dismayed that i cannot ride my bike everywhere like in St. Louis. i used to think St. Louis was boring...and now....i wish i could return. there isn't anything here for me anymore other than my family and close friends (of which here i have two). i really think that after Russia, after my hiking trip with Dad, i will go back. i'll get a job and live at Matt's as his maid -- if that works out it'll be great. of course my parents will object "it's your last summer...stay with us..." but i have been here what, three days? and i am already realizing there isn't anything for me to do. i would be more productive at home -- St. Louis. besides...i miss people who are there. although i do not relish the idea of getting a summer job, it is sadly inevitable.

tomorrow i will meet the Blue Angels at Stratford High School. i'm going there for an AF recruiting spiel with the Army JROTC, and then i'm going to meet the pilots. today i got buzzed by one when i was swimming in a pool. it was invigorating. after the Blue Angels thingy i'm going to Folly. i haven't been to the beach since.....last year. that's too long. i must be reunited with Mother Ocean.

i miss Kevin.

i drove twelve hours yesterday. yes America is a gorgous country. i drove through hills, mountains, valleys of flowers, and into the lowcountry. when i got to Columbia it finally got dark. i think i did well driving-wise...869 miles in twelve hours. if i hadn't stopped for lunch it would have been even better.

lots and lots of emails! gosh people! miss me or something? and just for reference: i am not dead. friday yes i went to Carbondale. it was great. had good Chinese food. Kevin's parents are great. they don't mind when i babble for ever and get off the topic. somehow my switch-back style train of thought is allowable and possibly even preferred. got to meet quite a few people that night, including some hippies that he used to live with. i am not going to tell you the filth of that place. ugh. but....their attitudes more than compensate for it. they were loving and friendly, as is expected, i assume, of all stereotypes of hippies. then Saturday we drove around the forests of Carbondale. i met another friend of Kevin's, Jim, who is a photographer. very cool guy. and speaking of Carbondale....i knew all the students were drinkers...but i did NOT know they had it so good. the scenery is breathtaking. Sunday i went shooting. i shot a 223 (i think that's what it was) with a kevlar stock. guess what? some day....i may be a really good shot. ;) i was proud of my shooting ability. i think it's genetic.

and then of course there was the drive home yesterday. everyone knows....when you are alone for at least 12 hours and you finally switch the music from something you sing to-- to something you listen to (say, from the Dixie Chicks to Mono) you begin to think. i did a LOT of thinking. i thought about this semester and how different things are. i thought of the people i made happy and the people i hurt. i thought of the crazy stuff i did, the things i almost did, and what i probably should not have done. i thought of what is going on now. i felt myself, in this moment, the middle of May 2001.....and i am happy. i have regrets, yes, but i am learning from them. they have made me who i am. i am not worrying about the future. i am not fretting over anything, actually. in the end, as everyone should think....it will be fine. if you make yourself happy today you will be happy tomorrow. i think my biggest problem is when i am too concerned about my future happiness and i forget about the present. and the present is just that -- a present, and it should be seen as such.

well so much for philosophical Amber. i am at Stratford High School on mom's computer b/c the net isn't working at home, much to my dismay. i still have to unpack. but this was most vital, second only to making sure my fish was all set up from the long drive. yes, this is Sharky's second trip to SC.

adieu