i drove twelve hours yesterday. yes America is a gorgous country. i drove through hills, mountains, valleys of flowers, and into the lowcountry. when i got to Columbia it finally got dark. i think i did well driving-wise...869 miles in twelve hours. if i hadn't stopped for lunch it would have been even better.

lots and lots of emails! gosh people! miss me or something? and just for reference: i am not dead. friday yes i went to Carbondale. it was great. had good Chinese food. Kevin's parents are great. they don't mind when i babble for ever and get off the topic. somehow my switch-back style train of thought is allowable and possibly even preferred. got to meet quite a few people that night, including some hippies that he used to live with. i am not going to tell you the filth of that place. ugh. but....their attitudes more than compensate for it. they were loving and friendly, as is expected, i assume, of all stereotypes of hippies. then Saturday we drove around the forests of Carbondale. i met another friend of Kevin's, Jim, who is a photographer. very cool guy. and speaking of Carbondale....i knew all the students were drinkers...but i did NOT know they had it so good. the scenery is breathtaking. Sunday i went shooting. i shot a 223 (i think that's what it was) with a kevlar stock. guess what? some day....i may be a really good shot. ;) i was proud of my shooting ability. i think it's genetic.

and then of course there was the drive home yesterday. everyone knows....when you are alone for at least 12 hours and you finally switch the music from something you sing to-- to something you listen to (say, from the Dixie Chicks to Mono) you begin to think. i did a LOT of thinking. i thought about this semester and how different things are. i thought of the people i made happy and the people i hurt. i thought of the crazy stuff i did, the things i almost did, and what i probably should not have done. i thought of what is going on now. i felt myself, in this moment, the middle of May 2001.....and i am happy. i have regrets, yes, but i am learning from them. they have made me who i am. i am not worrying about the future. i am not fretting over anything, actually. in the end, as everyone should think....it will be fine. if you make yourself happy today you will be happy tomorrow. i think my biggest problem is when i am too concerned about my future happiness and i forget about the present. and the present is just that -- a present, and it should be seen as such.

well so much for philosophical Amber. i am at Stratford High School on mom's computer b/c the net isn't working at home, much to my dismay. i still have to unpack. but this was most vital, second only to making sure my fish was all set up from the long drive. yes, this is Sharky's second trip to SC.


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