i think liking a guy who is far away absolutely stinks. i want to converse with him, but i never seem to catch him. if long distance were free, or we had webcams or something it would be better. i guess i should be happy i have the internet at all...

....of course there is the host from Lonely Planet i absolutely adore. his name is Ian. that's all i know about him, but he's hillarious and witty. i should look him up and send him fan-mail. i bet he doesn't get that much... afterall, he's a host on the Travel Channel. (which is the best one)

another dream entry. i just couldn't ignore this one....

first: i was in Russia, the first day of the program....and my name wasn't on the list. one of the other cadets had his name on there twice by accident, but no one thought that was in place of my name.. we were climbing this concoction of monkey-bars and logs.....and so they were going to send me home. i was very depressed, but after a few hours and repacking, i approached the teacher and told her i was not going home. i was supposed to be there and there was no way i was going to go to Russia and be there for only one day. i stomped my foot and was adamant. the teacher was both Elena (my real teacher) and that lady in my dream before who was teaching me ballet. they were not going to ship me home. the rest of the cadets were relieved because for some reason they really wanted me to stay.

second: i was in NYC, actually Brooklyn, with some people and i commented how i never thought the city was beautiful...i was like, "i've never been here since i was a baby..i didn't realize there were so many beautiful hills..." someone said, "yeah they never film them for some reason." i was stunned. and then...there were two explosions in the sky, similar to atomic bombs, and the clouds cleared. suddenly a woman who had been walking near us screamed in pain, fell to her knees, stood back up, and turned into an alien and then back into a human. i couldn't move. all of a sudden, everyone started morphing, from the inside-out. it was horrible. i could feel the transformation begin in my heart and my brain at the same time. suddenly, i was human, but something had been added. i was taller in the legs, stronger, and had better vision. everyone suddenly had this transformation. they had the bug-eyes shimmering in green, but after i transformed also it didn't seem like a big deal. occaisionally people would look normal. it was scary because we immediately recognized this as something done to us by an alien race, and what was even scarier was that we had become part of them. i felt raped. then... they were killing all the people who's bodies had rejected the transformation. so people were falling dead in the street, killed by lazers coming from the clouds. we couldn't see these aliens, but they sent their robots to the city to find us. suddenly i was watching a golden retreiver, and although it was a dog, it went up to a sign, got a piece of blue chalk, and began writing "Help Me" in graffitti style. but the robots came nearby, and it had to hide behind the sign. crazy! then i was at a farm. this house was next to a resevoir. we had to evacuate somehow, and there was a house below the resevoir, where either i lived or an old lady (i can't remember). there was an old man in the house next to the resevoir. anyhow... we were going to flood the plains and have the water run into the Mississippi (we were on the Illinois side). we took a few shotguns and blew the resevoir open. i remember, i was some kind of leader in this operation of about five people. they were all older than me. when the resevoir drained, we found acres of holes in the ground. it was a huge gravesite, only the coffins had been removed. the aliens didn't like rotting bodies so they took them away somewhere. then...i was in my BDUs, and still in my half-alien body, and i was running down the streets of St. Louis. my body was made to run. every time i tried to push off with a foot i had this extra bounce. my legs were strong, and i kept getting faster and bouncing higher and each step i had a longer stride. i ran into Iveta, and we discussed something that was annoying us (i can't remember what that was). i just kept running and running, and i thought of how they had wanted to send me back when i was in Russia (i remembered a separate dream within a dream!) -- i was angry. i kept running.

and then i woke up.

of course i have left out a lot. i just can't remember enough to make what else i remember make sense. well, not like any of this makes sense

i went shopping today. it's nice to wear glasses for a change because i look smaller when i wear them. nice effect. of course, i only end up buying more clothes when i feel like i look good in them. i had to get stuff for Russia -- dark clothing. i got some nice black shirts, slacks, and finally found a pair of khaki shorts that fit (ok so that wasn't for Russia, and neither were the river sandals i bought). i am sure to get it when mom gets home ... "Amber you are broke! you can't buy clothes! well this is coming out of your cash for Russia..." whatever. i charged it. i've been going through my closet...found a dress i bought three years ago and have never worn. i like it, but it's too big on top. i finally decided to alter it. it's too..."american" for Russia though. actually...it's asian. ;) oh i bought a cool black wrap dress. i had no clue how to tie it, but i got help. i feel....sophisticated today. it's nice. i'm currently wearing that asian dress...with jeans on underneath. very interesting effect.

Chasaty called today!!! i was so happy! i knew she would...she has Friday off and she's driving down from Myrtle Beach to visit me. i haven't seen her in ages. ah how nice it is to catch old friends. she's the type that never changes. hmm. maybe we all are. you really see who people are when you don't see them for a while and their real personality doesn't fade. happy joy joy.

ugh my back hurts. i'm sure it's from the ride yesterday. i need to do yoga today.

got my tickets for Russia. finally they spelled my name right. the tickets are half in German. i'm glad i took that semester of German. at least i can pronounce what i read. of course...Lufthansa is going through some kind of strike. hopefully i'll make it over there!

well now i shall sashay to my room and finish figuring out what i'm bringing. it is strange to go on vacation and bring only one pair of shorts and one pair of jeans...i have to bring so much "nice" clothing it's rediculous. i'm going to be doing a lot of "sink washing" while i'm there i assume.

well the bike ride. everyone want to hear about the bike ride? ;) ok well after driving around looking for the trailhead...which is easy enough to find when you're going the right way...i parked at the little enclave....took the bike off the car, guzzled half a water-bottle and set off (without water, without keys, without anything at all). i was lathered in sunblock and deet. the Swamp Fox trail is gorgeous. that was my first impression. later i found that with beauty comes horseflies, deerflies, grasshoppers, and anything else that isn't afraid of deet. the trail itself goes through several types of vegetation...first i went through a typical forest of the area...pine trees, palmetto bushes, decaying things scattered about, moisture. swampy. then suddenly it all changed and i was in a forest of tall pines. the needles were all at the top and the trunks were naked. i couldn't see anything but tree after tree, and at the bottom it was covered, no -- drenched, in ferns. i was stunned it was that gorgeous. after that it suddenly became very dry, and the trail (which was all sand the whole way) lost the covering of pine needles and became splattered with clumps of grass and fire-ant-hills. the trees shrunk, too. there were several trees that were broken at the top, evidence of Hugo no doubt. then it got wet again, and dark...and the bugs came back. then i crossed several bridges over little wine-colored creeks. i always looked, hoping to spot a water moccassin. never did. whenever i was in this type of forest the trail was of course still sandy...but the roots from the trees wove themselves throughout. i was very glad i was on a mountain bike. nothing else would have made it. a few times i crossed fire-roads and other gravel paths, but i knew which way to go because it was so well-marked. it proceeded to get hotter and hotter. of course, i started at 1:30, so i was asking for it. i tried to keep opening my mouth at a minimum to keep moisture in. then, after i fishtailed pretty badly in the sand, i came upon a water pump. in the middle of the trail! i almost heard the music. it was very metallic, but wet. then i wound through more trees, and heard a bell. i found a small herd of goats. i stopped and tried to go up to them but they all ran off. i kept going, and my wrists were hurting. at one point, just before getting on another bridge, a root grabbed ahold of my pedal and stopped me. of course my other leg kept spinning and i cut it on the other pedal. all i could think of was in "Pitch Black" when the bugs/monsters could smell people by blood. i was like...well there goes my deet protection -- now all the bugs will be after me. sure enough, it got attention. so i had to move faster. i was flying down the path, my heart racing, and every time i almost wiped out it scared me and my heart beat faster. it was like a roller coaster...constantly getting faster and the stopping abruptly to look at something or avoid something. what did i think of this entire thing? more like what not. i thought of a few people, i thought of "The Patriot" just by default -- i was on his trail, of course, i thought of water. and food. yes, when i had been on it long enough (i found out the trail goes on for 47 miles in one direction) i sat down and decided whether to turn back or not. i dreaded going back through places i had already been, but there wasn't much choice. i knew this was how it would be before i even started. so i begrudgingly set back for my car. then of course all i could think about was the water pump. and how i really need a bottle holder on my bike. i saw more deer, rode quickly past the startled goats, avoided the lizards -- they make more noise than anything else. suddenly it all came to an end. out of breath, starving, and out of energy, i hoisted my bike back onto my car. that was extremely difficult for some reason. then i sat in my car and guzzled another bottle of water. my heart was still pounding. my legs were wobbly. and i only went 25 miles. i never realized how much harder it would be to bike on a rough terrrain as opposed to Forest Park. every moment was glorious. it was almost 5pm.

i just finished a movie called "Farewell my Concubine." i think that's what it was called. It was a Chinese movie, subtitled, about the Beijing Opera from the 20s to the 70s. i can't get the music of one of the operas out of my mind... i don't know what i'll do with myself today. i supposed i'll look for a bike trail nearby. there isn't anything close enough that i wouldn't need to attach it to my car and drive a while, however. i dreamt i visited Iveta at Field Training. only, my uniforms were too big and i had to wear civilian clothing, which immediately set everyone off -- i wasn't military enough for them. hmm. ok i'm still wrapped up in the movie. i should shower and go do something. agh! i can't find anything....it is frustrating i cannot find anywhere to bike in this city. there has got to be something somewhere. what am i, blind? oh aha....Tomorrow i shall go on a long ride in Francis Marion State Park (Swamp Fox). should be ... Patriotic. muahaha. i guess only people from SC would get that joke. well the trail maps are printing. i should get dressed and out of the house.