i've decided to post some wisdom i encountered tonight at the Grind...
1. i have problems. they are: i keep avoiding issues/problems by jumping from situation to situation.
2. the issues are: low self-image, surface analysis (i make too many firm decisions without weighing every aspect), co-dependency, and partial awareness (so i'm neither blissfully ignorant or uphorically rational). who knows what else lurks beneath my scalp.
3. note for the day: Just because two obvious options present themselves readily in any situation DOES NOT mean that either of them is neccessarily correct.
and some funny quotes:
"I am not a Marxist" --Karl Marx
"We may be Red, but we aren't Yellow!" -- I.W.W. Slogan
5.04.2001
5.03.2001
well i have a Russian test in an hour and a half. yay. my paper for politics: oh yeah baby i rocked it hard!!! best one all semester.
i just had a very strange dream. involving Albuquerque, the Zulicks, Japanese people, etc. first, i had Tori Amos' album "Boys for Pele" playing on a loop the whole time i was sleeping. i remember being very angry in a part of the dream when a certain ex was over and i kept wanting to take a nap and he kept doing things to me while i was sleeping. nothing really bad, but rearranging my clothing was bad enough. i was furious with him! he had the most pitiful look on his face, that i'm sure in real life he couldn't ever do, and i felt very bad for him. still, i yelled at him to go home. then i was in NM and i found the Zulicks there. i was on some balcony and i kept throwing ice to them. Rachel was so happy. Nora didn't say anything. then i realized my leg was hurting really badly and i found my aunt (one that doesn't exist) and showed her. i was very concerned because i had about five different bites on my right leg and it was turning green and purple. she told me i'd been bitten by a black recluse (do those exist?), a butterfly (that bite was actually illuminated), and various other insects. i wanted to cut the leg off. she just poked into it, let everything drain, and i was fine later. then i was trying to go into a prison that was in a subway and i read the sign in kanji that said women, but when i got down there it was all Japanese men. so i ran back up and went back down into the women's section. then it really turned into a meeting place instead of jail. after that i kept waking up, thinking of a certain new guy, and wanting to dream of him instead. of course that didn't work and the previous dream kept on continuing. i was dismayed and finally decided i should wake up now and study. so much dreaming in one afternoon-nap!
i just had a very strange dream. involving Albuquerque, the Zulicks, Japanese people, etc. first, i had Tori Amos' album "Boys for Pele" playing on a loop the whole time i was sleeping. i remember being very angry in a part of the dream when a certain ex was over and i kept wanting to take a nap and he kept doing things to me while i was sleeping. nothing really bad, but rearranging my clothing was bad enough. i was furious with him! he had the most pitiful look on his face, that i'm sure in real life he couldn't ever do, and i felt very bad for him. still, i yelled at him to go home. then i was in NM and i found the Zulicks there. i was on some balcony and i kept throwing ice to them. Rachel was so happy. Nora didn't say anything. then i realized my leg was hurting really badly and i found my aunt (one that doesn't exist) and showed her. i was very concerned because i had about five different bites on my right leg and it was turning green and purple. she told me i'd been bitten by a black recluse (do those exist?), a butterfly (that bite was actually illuminated), and various other insects. i wanted to cut the leg off. she just poked into it, let everything drain, and i was fine later. then i was trying to go into a prison that was in a subway and i read the sign in kanji that said women, but when i got down there it was all Japanese men. so i ran back up and went back down into the women's section. then it really turned into a meeting place instead of jail. after that i kept waking up, thinking of a certain new guy, and wanting to dream of him instead. of course that didn't work and the previous dream kept on continuing. i was dismayed and finally decided i should wake up now and study. so much dreaming in one afternoon-nap!
5.02.2001
ok see if you can answer this question: In post-Soviet Russia, who - elites or ordinary people- seems to believe more strongly in "the Russian Idea"? Defend your answer, being careful to explian what "the Russian Idea" is and how you can tell what elites or ordinary people believe. AGH!! So now I am frantically looking through notes and books. I have a vague idea what the "Russian Idea" is. Now...who are the "elites" exactly? I'm not allowed to "over generalize large groups of people." This is absolutely insane. I love it!
wednesday afternoon.....usually i'm in AFROTC class right now, amidst twenty other cadets all quickly gossiping about their weekend.
last night i went with Sara and Gloria to Sansui, a Japanese restaurant. it was great speaking Japanese with the waitress and the sushi chef (say that three times quickly). i haven't spoken that much Japanese since i was there in '96. the more i talked the less Russian pervaded my speech. it was the first time i'd ever had sake. it was served hot, and we poured each others' drinks. i never knew sake was so sweet.
today after history i went to Forest Park on my bike. i rode around for a bit and then wrote a letter. it was such a peaceful hour.
i'm listening to the soundtrack of "Brother, Where Art Thou" currently. a truly gorgeous collection of music.
my dream last night was very very strange. the weather was calm, and the lighting was that of how i imagine the white-nights in St. Petersburg will be. it was some sort of holiday, like Thanksgiving, and i was at Tom's, but the meat wasn't cooking so everyone decided they wanted to come to my place. when we got here, my apartment turned into an aquarium/restaurant. then they disappeared and people started walking around in a mixture of mink stoles, diamonds, and S&M. i was scared, and they were all trying to get me to join their "Role-Playing Game." i went up the river for a long time (Mississippi) and then made it to the Ohio river. then i came across a little girl of about six, who kept falling in the water. we were walking along the edge, amidst the reeds. every time she fell in the water her dark curly hair turned bright red, and her childish clothes turned into black leather. as she dried off she turned back to her normal self. i kept crouching down and grabbing her by the shoulders, looking in her eyes, telling her she had to be careful and the the world wasn't as pretty as she was. everyone was speaking a mixture of languages, but we all understood each other. there was more, but it's all fading away as i type.
well i am going to return the movie "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears" (which was very good) to Elena and then i'm going to Cafe de France to demand i get my money (they bounced my paychecks).
i hope that whenever i die i am calm and willing to go.
last night i went with Sara and Gloria to Sansui, a Japanese restaurant. it was great speaking Japanese with the waitress and the sushi chef (say that three times quickly). i haven't spoken that much Japanese since i was there in '96. the more i talked the less Russian pervaded my speech. it was the first time i'd ever had sake. it was served hot, and we poured each others' drinks. i never knew sake was so sweet.
today after history i went to Forest Park on my bike. i rode around for a bit and then wrote a letter. it was such a peaceful hour.
i'm listening to the soundtrack of "Brother, Where Art Thou" currently. a truly gorgeous collection of music.
my dream last night was very very strange. the weather was calm, and the lighting was that of how i imagine the white-nights in St. Petersburg will be. it was some sort of holiday, like Thanksgiving, and i was at Tom's, but the meat wasn't cooking so everyone decided they wanted to come to my place. when we got here, my apartment turned into an aquarium/restaurant. then they disappeared and people started walking around in a mixture of mink stoles, diamonds, and S&M. i was scared, and they were all trying to get me to join their "Role-Playing Game." i went up the river for a long time (Mississippi) and then made it to the Ohio river. then i came across a little girl of about six, who kept falling in the water. we were walking along the edge, amidst the reeds. every time she fell in the water her dark curly hair turned bright red, and her childish clothes turned into black leather. as she dried off she turned back to her normal self. i kept crouching down and grabbing her by the shoulders, looking in her eyes, telling her she had to be careful and the the world wasn't as pretty as she was. everyone was speaking a mixture of languages, but we all understood each other. there was more, but it's all fading away as i type.
well i am going to return the movie "Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears" (which was very good) to Elena and then i'm going to Cafe de France to demand i get my money (they bounced my paychecks).
i hope that whenever i die i am calm and willing to go.
4.30.2001
same day. this has been a long one. my friend came over today and we got to discuss men and speak in japanese. i also talked with my chinese history teacher (for whom the paper was due) about the disappointing fact of SLU not having any real sort of multi-national programs other than western europe. what a dismay.
i am heading off to the Grind. i'm bringing my friend Matt. we always discuss philosophy. or rather, he discusses, i listen. he's the philosopher. it helps being around him because it forces me to think. he won't let me get away with lame answers or ignore his questions. it's an aggrivatingly simple teaching strategy.
oh. my email address is matthead@slu.edu. maybe in the future when i get more net savvy i can link this to a webpage and have all sorts of goodies for any readers.
ciao
i am heading off to the Grind. i'm bringing my friend Matt. we always discuss philosophy. or rather, he discusses, i listen. he's the philosopher. it helps being around him because it forces me to think. he won't let me get away with lame answers or ignore his questions. it's an aggrivatingly simple teaching strategy.
oh. my email address is matthead@slu.edu. maybe in the future when i get more net savvy i can link this to a webpage and have all sorts of goodies for any readers.
ciao
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